I have nothing better to do right now

Hmmm... Let's just summarise everything.

• Been pissed off alot lately
• Exams melted my brain cells
• No time to do anything I want to do
• But waste my time on things I have to do

Yes. Basically all of this things pissed me off this week, and last week. You know what, it's been pissing me off alot recently. I think this blog post is just telling you how pissed off I am, huh? Well, I'm speaking the truth. I am very angry. :) See the irony? Actually, I'm just bored. And sleepy. And craving for bun bun. Nevermind. I'm bored. Bye.

Friends

There are lots of things I can say about friends, no matter if it's what you don't do or what you should do. Cause' there are lots of way to classify friends. Maybe the word "friend" itself is a strong word for you that you can't let just anyone have that title. Maybe "friend" to you can be just a random person on the street. Or maybe, "friend" to you doesn't exist anymore and you think everybody is just human that happens to make the world go round and you're surviving on your own. Well, I'm one of those people, and was one of the other two. As you grow up, you realise who are friends and what are friends. Mostly, people get disappointed cause' the BFFs forever they see on the Disney Channel doesn't really exist. Others may be lucky and find a real bestfriend. Some of them even turn out to be their partners for life, while the others realise the true colours of their "bestfriend" and leaves them with a gayish waving goodbye.
Well, I've learnt something from all this. At first I was thinking I can be anybody's friend, as long as I'm happy and everyone else is happy, I'm fine with it. As I grew up, I see even the quietest girl around me can turn out to be someone really unexpected. Till now, frankly, I still hate her, and she does too. I mean seriously, thise kind of stuff, I won't forgive and forget, really. And then I realise I'm surviving on my own, no friends, just classmates that just happen to make lots of noise during every class of the day. Then I met my clique now, Kurt and Sam, then I learnt from the past that I can't just let anybody be my friends, or I'll be betrayed or something ya'know? Then as days past, tell you the truth, their text every morning really surprised me. Though I know all along, I'll never be as close to them as they are together, but well, it made a difference seeing their messages every morning. Then fights come along, and I learn to just stay on the side or sit on the fence cause' frankly, I have no idea what to do. You stand here and the other gets angry, you stand there and the other is miserable. Then when the fight ends, everything comes back to normal. Then you're, again, behind everything and just tag along wherever they go. Some may call me a dog for doing that but I didn't give a shit. Then I came to church, and that's where my breakthrough came. Next I was spending so much time with my church friends that I just don't hang out with Kurt and Sam much. They told me about it but well, I was just thinking I needed to be happy and that happens when I'm in church or around with people from there. They were unhappy about it at first then it sort of worked out. Then I learnt that you can be anyone's friend, but not much people can be your real friends. Sometimes, it doesn't need to be all good people, some are good and some are bad, while the rest are both. Sometimes, it's okay to just laugh and not make things complicated and just let things go smoothly. We don't need everyone to be real true friends cause' they can't be. Like love, we need to wait for the right one. The one that truly understands you and believes in you as much as you believe in him/her. Someone that can not only cry to but cry together with. Someone that not only you talk to but you listen to. That's to me, a friend I can always rely on.
For now, I'm still searching, cause' I believe this kind of thing ain't forever. Who knows? Maybe after this year the clique splits, or when the cellgroup multiply we won't talk much to each other anymore? Anything can happen. Anything. So to everyone who cared to read this, all I can say is that friends come in different kinds, like a puzzle piece, and you'll find one that fits right next to you. (:

Hard to say; Harder to let go

It's been quite a long time since I even thought about that feeling. One, cause' I'm caught up with my exams, and two, I seriously have better things to do. Even if it's jamming with Abraham, or chatting with Kurt and Sam or even just playing my piano on my own, I rather do anything else in the world than remind myself about how pathetic I am. Yeah, I know I shouldn't think that way, but tell me specifically, how do you not think about it when everything in your face is telling you how pathetic you are? I would like to know that, seriously, I do. Not that I'm always emo and sad, and not that I'm the only one, I just choose to show my emotions cause' I know I'll be a bigger impact if I held it in. So I chose to stay like this, I'm moving on too, but I just can't let go of what happened before.
Try throwing your heart from the rooftop over and over again, till the heart's all dry up and has no blood at all. That's me right now, and even with that kind of hardness in me, I'm still afraid to let go, still afraid to get hurt once more, even if it's just the slightest little boo-boo on my finger. Call me weak, whatever, only those who have gone through this know how it feels, not only those who gone through it, but those who had mindsets related to mine. Try putting yourself in my shoes. Some just tell me that they know me, well you don't, none of you do. Cause' when I put myself to trust you, you disappoint me, so what's the use?
Out of the topic? Nope, just getting started. Hard to say aye? What is hard to say? How much I love you or how much I hate you? Hmmm.. Hate's a really strong word to use, let's just say how much I wish I had no emotions for that side of life. Sometimes, it's better not to know how is feels than knowing it. Both has it's pros and cons but in this case, I rather stay at home and rot than falling in love again. It's like a instant weapon that can just kill me at one shot, cause' that's how much I trusted love, that's how much I could have gave back, but no. Each one of them made me feel pathetic, no matter if it's facebook or MSN quotes, seriously, think I'm not looking? I'll be watching, I'll be reading, cause' only God can allow those few names to appear first every time on my facebook homepage. Now, I just think it's bullshit. And that impression will stay there for a long time. As if its for now, not the time, and never will be. I'll just stay like that. Really, disappointment fills up my that side of life. No smiles, no nothing. I think only some were actually with me to witness how weak I was during that time. Some used that as an advantage to stab me harder. Well, this is all I can say. fuck you.

To my dearest E506 family (:

To those who have no idea who and what I'm talking about, E506 is my cellgroup and the friends I hang out with when I go to church. That's just a simple biography and introduction. In this blog post, I'll go into deeper details why I love them so much. ;DDD

Friends from my primary school see me grow up with a big smile, but only a few see me fall to the ground crying my ass off. Well, some told me they have no idea how to help me, but in this year's Easter Day, I found myself a solution no one has thought of. I joined City Harvest church that April and I found myself a new loving and caring home. I never thought I could trust anyone as much as I could, until I met them. Like Jasmine said yesterday during cellgroup, no matter how bad or dark the world is out there, cellgroup and church is the only place I could go to and hide. Cause' there's where I found love, besides my own home. Sometimes, even my own home doesn't have that kind of love they have. I've always envied others who have great parents and siblings, well, now I don't have to. (:
And it's just about them giving me, I want to give more to them. They made me laugh the loudest, they were there when I cried, they understood and encourage me, tell me to not give up and they'll be there for me, and they did. They told me God will always be there for me, and they'll do too. That I believe. Usually peopel tell me that they'll do that and I'm like " Really? " but them, wow, all I can say is that, they proved my mind wrong, and I'm glad they did. Like Lorraine, my dearest connect group leader, she blessed me with so much, though it's food but she doesn't just use her money anyhow. I feel so blessed, I just don't know how to explain it. But I feel bad cause' I never got to bless her, but I will, soon. Very very soon. (: Not forgetting the ones that dragged me to church on Easter Day, Eastella and Crystal. Crystal is my growing-up big sister and she is the one that taught me to be tough, to not get bullied and also, the one that shared my pain with me from a young age. We hugged and cried together, laughed with tears of joy together and go crazy over our B2ST oppas together. (: I really do cherish her, just like Eastella. She may look like a happy jumpy girl but she has a broken down side too. And it was amazing how she actually could connect with me so closely cause' we think the same way. I'll never forget the times we spent talking about our problems and laughing about each other's stories and I really appreciate what you've done for me too. (: And also, Jasmine! Our dearest cellgroup leader, she is the bubbly flower that always shines so brightly that just makes everyone smile. Her jumpy and happy personality brought out that bubbly girl I was before I became all "emo" and "death-seeking". She said before that I'm a cheerful and sweet girl, well in actual fact, I'm not. Emo and sad has become my personality, but it doesn't mean I can't change it. I will change it, and it's starting to happen. The cellgroup changed me, the church changed me, God changed me and it's an incredible journey with them. It's been less than 6 months since I joined church but the transformation in me, in my thinking, it's so weird. But really, I'm very grateful and I thank God that I get to meet them and get to know them.

Lastly, to those whom I never mention, I DIDN'T FORGET YOU! I'll never forget how I sang with WanYing and how I met her at Campus Superstar, I'll never forget how Rovson and I could talk and make fun about annoying Orange, I mean hey, he's the Apple and I'm the Orange okay? And I won't forget how Alvin can make me laugh like some crazy person with just his awkward noises, I won't forget how I first heard Rayner sing and first saw Bryan dance. Wow, I remembered just opened my mouth wide and thought I'm so lucky to be around with such talented people. Not only that, I won't forget the first time I talked to Amelia about her problems, I won't forget how I talked to Winnie about my problems, I won't forget how I first talked to JingHui about the saxophone we play and how I first talked to YuanTing in my elmo voice. (: I won't forget how Alicia, Dennis and gang always makes the loudest noises but always make us laugh the loudest, I won't forget how YongHe encouraged me to go on with my music dream, I won't forget how YongZhou talked about him serving the president at some event and how happy he was, I won't forget I talked to Angela about my stuff and how she talked a little about hers yesterday, I won't forget how SiYi is just always so sweet and loving, I won't forget how Lester ties only one side of his hair, I won't forget how ZhenTing always " walao eh" at me and I said it back and we start acting like we're gonna have a fight or something *laughs*, I won't forget how Limei is so sweet and cute is and how she is so cute together with her boy and lastly, I will never ever forget what you guys did for me, how you guys made me grow and lastly, how oyu guys taught me to love. Thank you so much and I love you guys! ;DDDD

Believe; or not believe?

"Don't blame me if I can't do it, cause' scars do take years to heal."

Yes. I'm back. When the first sentence, you should have a rough idea on what I wanna talk about. I'm very sure some of my friends have the same feelings as me, and this will happen after you're hurt and thrown away really bad and your brain has turned off towards trust. So lets be really realistic here, what do you feel towards this sentence " I'll always be by you. " ? Do you believe it? Well if you do, I won't say that you're naive but I'll just envy you. Cause' you can still actually believe in something like that. I've finally understand the meaning of " it's better to not know the truth, cause' after knowing it, you wouldn't want to know about it at all. " Before understanding this, I never ever thought of any bad knowing the truth, cause' I had to face it. Yes and I agree, I have to face it, but it's easier said than done. Knowing that there are so many lies behind you, just drags you in, swallows you into this dark world with these horrible thoughts. Sometimes, the thoughts may even turn into reality. That's why there's so many disgusting murder cases around. Lies may be just lies, but words do hurt.

People don't realise that their actions, very tiny little ones, can actually be seen and sensed by the people around you. The exact example happened on Friday, and I can see from the way this person reacted. One reason why I let go. How nice. So yeah, no more elaboration, just felt like posting this, cause' I find people nowadays like to say things or promise things when they can't. And so yeah, it's hard for me to really trust anybody. But maybe in time, I'll come by somehow, I mean, my mind. Now, my mind is just telling me, " If you want more silent cries, go on falling into their trap. "

Changes

Back again with more shit. -.-
Hmmm... Just went back to Anderson today and realise how much I've changed. No matter for good or for bad, I've changed. Including my friends.
Today someone asked me,
"What did you wanna do when you're 5?"
I suspect something fishy so I replied,
"I don't remember. Why?"
"Has your dream always been the same?"
"Yup."
"Exactly?"
"Kinda."
"No seriously, exactly the same?"
"Kinda. Why?"
"Well, when we are young, our dreams change like an open story book being flipped page by page, but no one said anything. But now when we're older, people blame us for changing, blame us for not being us."

I agree with what that person told me and you know what? I wanted to be either an artist or a teacher before I put my life onto music, and yes, I changed my plan, cause' music made me happier and more enjoyable. Nobody blamed me for changing into me when I was a kid, but people tell me I've changed now when I go back to APS. People said I became alot more quiet, alot more sad, alot more tired but I have a lot more hair. Well, the rest of the 3 are true but that bitch who said I have more hair obviously never seen me at P6. Anyways, as we grow up, things get complicated. When you can do both either A or B to get to C, people say only A is availible, not B. And when we choose B, people tell us we've changed and go all "What???". Well, face it, peopel change, we all do. No matter for whatever reasons. To me, even if it effects me, I'll now face the fact. On my way home, I thought about it, and I agreed to what that person told me. I will try to be open minded from now on and I hope you guys will too. (:

Just like a rose, everything has it's flaws. The flower of the rose is beautiful and seductive, while the stem holds it's thorns. I felt most of the pain from the thorn but only get to see the beauty of the flower, never get to understand or experience the greatness and beauty of the petals being put together to get that flower. Now look at this plot, what do you think?

Yes, everything has flaws, just like the rose. Yes it's beautiful and seductive and it has thorns but the good things is, the thorns can actually act as a shield to protect the rose from getting any harm. I felt most of the pain from the thorns but only get ot see the flower and never get to experience the greatness and beauty of the petals being put together to get that flower, but luckily, I get to even see it and know that this thing exist and also, know that it can be applied to anyone anywhere. Too, since I always get hurt, I can go through hard times first and save the best for last. Life is like this too. It's on how you look at things and how you rephrase it. My rephrasing may not be good, but youget my drift right? To me there are only 2 choices in life, happy or sad. I know I always look sad but I do find ways to cheer myself up. Why pull your muscles down on your face when you can pull the sides up and make a smile? (:

(And yes, this is very random. -.-)

This just breaks my heart.
The End.

She built my foundation, but in someway I crushed hers.

This week has been very emotional. Not that something happened, but the dreams I've been getting are all about my family memebers. The one that brought me up since I was born, the one that cared for me even when using the worse of words to express it, the one that though look so fierce on the surface in my impression but is actually such a loving lady. She brought me milk to cool me down at night when I got scared of the dark, she bought me Mac'Donald's breakfast even when she didn't know what the hell it was, and she even asked the counter lady what kids like to eat at Macs. I wasn't there, but the story goes on, cause' even others around me are touched by how much she gave for me.
I know she's vulgar, her generation is like that so I can't blame her, I acutally wanna thank her though * laughs *. And I know she doesn't know how to express her love in a better and tender way. She's been through a rough childhood, a rough life, but she gave me the best she could for my childhood. When I told her what happened to me after I went back to my parents' place, she said :
" Mei Mei, I'm so sorry. I wanted to protect you but I couldn't, cause' I thought you were able to take care of yourself since you looked so strong when you told me you wanted to go back to your parents. I wanted to take you back but I don't know how to say it. I'm sorry, so sorry. "

And then she started to tear a little. I never blamed her for not taking me back, but I want to thank her letting me go. Cause' if not, I would be as spoilt as what I was when I was a kid. Maybe I wouldn't be so screwed in the head, maybe alot of bad things wouldn't have happened, but if it didn't, I would never have realised how much she means to me. I would never realised how important her love for me is, never realised how much protection she gave me over the years.
Now I look back, at the time when I went to her house from school, I kneel at the front of the door and start crying. She asked me what's wrong, the only thing I said was " I'm sorry ". It was because I finally came to my senses and realise what I've done wrong in the past and I just felt so darn guilty that I have to do that to make me feel I've apologized to her. But even that can't cover that guilt I still have. Till this day, though she's still around, I feel so guilty that I never squeeze out the time to go and visit her. I had the time to slack, to play piano and guitar, though not enough sleep but I never got the time to see her. I feel freakin' guilty, seriously. I started feeling this way even more after watching " Old Cow ", a Singapore made film. One part when I saw the old man in a wheelchair, using as much energy as he could to try to speak to his son, while only speaking his name, but his son didn't give a damn. Just looking at the old man, I cried non-stop. Crystal was beside me and she tried to cool me down. I was just like, wow, I don't know, it was so amazingly weird.
Anyways, to end my post today I just wanna say that I really love her, I really wanna cherish my grandma and I really hope she can feel my love for her. I'll be praying for her to regain more of her memory and for my aunt to treat her well too. God bless her. :)

Recently...

I figure no one's gonna bother reading my blog so yeah, I'll just blog here for once.
Nowadays, I've been busy, busy and much more busy. Seems like I don't even have time to sleep. I sometimes just wanna sit down and play my guitar or my keyboard. But in actual fact, I can't even touch it. I mean I can but I'll have less than 4 hours of sleep. I'm not gonna live on like this till the end of this year if I continue. I wonder what will happen if I suddenly just collapse due to utter exhaustion. No matter in school or wherever, wonder would anyone realise I'm lying on the floor with my mouth open and a slightly pale face. *Laughs* Hard to say, hard to say. Yeah, I'm pessimistic, so? That's just my way of protecting myself from any realistic harm. Cause' I had enough of it. Once is enough for anyone. ONE TIME, ONE BLOODY TIME AND IT SCAR ME FOR LIFE. *Laughs* Pathetic but true. I sound completely from Facebook right? Cause' I've been holding all this back. I prayed to God, he answer at times, but in reality, I have no idea how am I gonna solve those things right infront of me. Too many problems for me to handle. I thank God for giving me E506 and N410, seriously, but at times I just wanna keep quiet. I see people with more problems to deal with, or simple to say, they have their stuff to solve. I don't want to add oil to their fire, it's kinda a habit. I'm trying to change it but everytime I wanna attempt to do it, my heart aches or I'll start to think would that person think I'm a pest. Unless it's a real issue that I need to talk to someone about, I'll say, or else I'll handle it myself. Seems that my mind is over-powering my abilities. Sad. Anyways, I'll pray for everything to be alright. I'll have faith in God, I'll believe that someone will care for me no matter what and that's God. I'll stay stable, I may not always be strong but I won't break that easily.

What happened to my old Daddy?

Now my parents are the other way round, I somehow prefer my Mom over my Dad. Amazing right? My Dad somehow prefers to shoot his anger at me and love my brother more. Even if he buys things for me or somehow dotes me now, I'm still very suspicious and I don't really trust him much anymore. And I'm not the only one having having the problem.
Some of my friends are having the same problem too. Like all of the sudden, their dads have turned into some greedy, fierce, unreasonable... Son of a bitch. Okay, I don't wanna say that to my dad cause' I'll be scolding my grandma instead, so I'll say, my dad is turning to a (in the kid's way) monster (in the teen's way) and a guai lan kia. I know, I know, I can't forget the sweet things my dad used to do for me, but neither am I gonna forget the way treats me now, I mean the BAD ways. If he thinks buying me soft cake in a box and being all sweet and quiet all of a sudden again makes me forget about what he did a second before, well, I'm terribly sorry but I wasn't born yesterday. I don't give a damn about what happened to you today, cause' it ain't a great day for me either, but do you see me coming up to you and cry about it? I just said nicely, I have a giant blister at the back of my foot and you throw your temper at me? What? Is this some kind of " Parent turns into kid " act? Ya' think I wanna have this damn blister on my foot that is bigger than the size of my thumb? Please, who's the victim here? And seriously, I don't bloody care whether you weren't able to throw your temper any part of your life before but I am sure, you did it when you're a baby, and face it, after you're grown up, you can't expect anything else easy for you. I know you understand that better than I do. So please, be a MAN and stop this crap. If you think getting angry is being a MAN, then I'm sorry, you're gay, worse than that. There's nothing wrong being gay but I'm just sayin', I rather you sit down and talk to me about it. Like if you have problems at work or something. I know I know, " How can I possibly tell you this kind of things? You can't understand. " Hello? I'm 14 but I don't speak a foreign language. I understand English and Chinese and I bet you can speak that better than I can listen. So please, again, just talk. No matter what, as long as you say it out a little, though it can't help to fix the whole situation, but you'll at least feel a little better, and that saves alot of time, anger management and screaming into ears.
Anyways, my main point is I miss my old Dad. The one that used to be there for me whenever I had problems. The one that makes the best dishes in the world. The one that dotes on me EQUALLY as he dotes on my brother (This was just for a short period of time though :x). And finally, the one that I look up to for managing everything so well and coping with his emotions. But now, seems like the last one is greatest disappointment. Anyways, that's all I wanted to say. Need to get ready for 2moro. Bye.

Back with Random Pictures! ;DDD

I'm FINALLY BLOGGING, PEOPLE! Life's better nowadays, and I've been alot more busy. Still, I had lots of fun with E506 and N410! And also my 2 sugarbabes, Kurtrina and Samantha! Sorry I can't spend much time with you guys, but when school reopens, everything's gonna be back in place. =)
Anyways, just wanna post something for fun. Nothing much to say. So anyways, need to sleep early tonight. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day. =) GOODNIGHTS !

Lawls, lawls and LAWLS.

Back again~
Have been sleeping for the last 3 hours or so. I'M FREAKIN' TIRED. Once asleep, I never wanna wake up. Hahaha. So thanks to my mom, I woke up after hearing screaming and feeling pillows smashed onto my face. LAWL.

Anyways, these few days were great. My exams went well and I have confidence that I'm gonna pass this time. Wait. You know what? This is plain boring.

Okay so anyways, gonna be very busy on Friday. Have a "suprise plan" in the afternoon, then I have piano lessons at about 4 plus or 5 o'clock, next I'll try to rush over for CG meeting. Hahaha! Can't wait! And it seems like everyone's falling in love these days. Ya' know what I mean Crystal. HAHAHAHA. Same goes for Kurtrina and Sam. HEHEHEHEHE~ So yeah, I think that's about it. If there's anything funny I'll try to post it.

TAGGS ME MORE! :DDDDDDDD!

Yay. I finally bothered to look at my blog.

Yes. Finally I'm back. Much has happened recently. I start going to church, met so many AWESOME people like Wanying, Linus, Rovson, Jasmine, Chloe, YuanTiing, JingHui, MingWei, Eric, Alvin, Jolene... Er... I just got a mental block so I'll somehow name the rest in the future. DAHAHAHAHAHA. Anyways, one last thing.

I'm being mean I know, but just leave me alone. I'm getting really afraid. So just go away. Nobody wants to get hurt so do this for your own good.


Bye.

OMG. I missed my 100th post.

Happy HAHAHAHAHA 100th post to MISS BLOGGY! Haha! Didn't realise it. Anyways, it's been a long time since I started blogging and I think it's been 2 years already? Not sure, should be around that period. Anyways, went to church today. Yes, it's amazing isn't it? I go to church, deal with it. HAHAHA. Just kidding. Yeah, and my group of church friends are AWESOME! So adorable and talented! Haha. And good news to those who cared :

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING ! ALL THE CONCERN AND BAD-MOUTH TALKING TO TRY TO MAKE ME BETTER BUT SERIOUSLY, I'M AT FAULT TOO. SO YEAH, AFTER MANY TEARS AND HUGS, I'VE FINALLY GOTTEN OVER IT. THANK YOU THANK YOU ! CLAP HAND! HAHAHA! I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE THAT CARED FOR ME RELATING THIS ISSUE, PEOPLE LIKE KURT. , SAM , DAVID , BLACK , CRYSTAL , JASMINE & CAIPENG ! OMG. I LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS TO THE MAX. Because of you guys, who gave me the comfort and encouragement I needed, I can stand up again and face my fears once more. Though I have not much confidence in kind of things anymore but there are bigger dreams in my mind so yeah, I'll excel to the top ! MUAHAHAHA! Weird timing for evil laughter :P.

So yeah, church really changed me and gave me a chance to live again. Or else maybe by now I would have yeah know... ... And yeah know... ... Yeah~ So anyways~ I'll go write my songs now! Stay happy ya? :DDDDD

BULL. SHIT.

" Be careful there, darling. It's very fragile. "

Mommy always told me that hearts are not meant to be broken, but taken care of really carefully. This time, I blame myself.

I took it to the highest point I can, bringing it up, high in to the "sky", but one day, the sky threw a lightning on my heart. WTF. Pain one you know? Wait. You don't know. You just throw lightning on people without caring that it actually kills them. LOL. Mommy, I'm sorry. I didnf't listen to your words, now it's broken and hurray! Another 2 years to mend it back. How adorable. -.- And my ultimate sian face reappears.

Everything is a blank now. Like yah.. Everything is somehow in place, like all in the right places where it should be but also the wrong places because it's killing me. How sweet. People are still rubbing salt on it. How considerate. But what can you expect? I know it's really funny that the ending is a bitch in the ass. I'm laughing too! HA-HAHA-HA. Very funneh~ Tell me I'm emo, tell me I'm a bitch for having this kind of past. I don't give a shit. I'm laughing at myself now. What a mother fucker. Everything is killing me. It's just killing me. LOL. How pathetic? Yes. It is pathetic. Just like every ending of a fairytale. AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER- BULL. SHIT. Yes. Happy already! Win already lor! Yeah! Yay!

Anyways, don't wanna go on talking about this. Only thanking those who cared. And Kurt too (: Though she's the one that originally scared me. But yeah, thanks alot. I'm a free bitch now, baby. Free of everything, and the bitch part, you can ask Abraham. Not the one with 7 kids but yeah. ;DDDD So yeah.. Gotta go explain to my mom why my cups are destoryed. Bye!

OH MY FUCK. TOMORROW'S MONDAY.

Credits to Joey for the idea. Haha. Her version makes more sense. (:

So anyway~ Yeah. Tomorrow is Monday. I HATE MONDAYS AND TUESDAYS. But I love WEDNESDAYS TO THE MAXXXX! I love literature. And I'm talking to Kurt. right now. She's thinking about sex. HAHAHAHA. No la. More about some wintermelon drink or something. HEEEEEHEEEEEEHEEEEEEEE~ Aiyah, let's brush up on what happened recently.

TODAY! :
-Went to pray at GUANG MING SHAN. -.-
-Followed my mom to go cut my hair. :DDDDDDDD
-Then went to eat with Kurt. and study at Bishan Library with her.
-Can't study well due to too much laughter. (KURTRINA)
-Then went home and eat a very very very nice dinner cooked by my wonderful DADDY!
-Now getting tortured by Kurt. on the phone AGAIN.

Yesterday! :
WAS A BLANK DREAM THAT I DON'T BOTHER REMEMBERING.
Nahh.. I know I went out with Kurt. again and got tortured by her on phone again. Then yeah... All almost the same.

Now, I'm just sleepy and hoping that tomorrow's gonna be better. And hope that I can laugh more. Haixxxx... Now I'm just sleepy to the max. So yeah.. Gonna hang up and go to sleep soon. Sweetdreams everyone (:

Enough with the SHIT.

I am, like this 2 pictures, PISSED. How amazing of people to annoy others at this time of night. I'm not saying those people who are calling me now, but some others. They might not know who they are, better to even know, but I BLOODY HAD ENOUGH. I don't expect anything back from helping them, but really, what kind of attitude is this? Bloody fuck. First is my bitch ass mom and now this. What the fuck did I do to get all this bad luck ? Fucker. To those who are curious, don't be. You'll be lucky if it's not you. I've been tolerating this person for a long time. A LONG TIME. I just don't wanna say anything and see whether this person realise it or not. Seems that I had my hopes too high again. How foolish of me. Actually thought that I'm gonna be a happy girl today, looks like not the situation, aye? Sad. Seems that my mind still cares or else I won't be so "emotionally depressed". LOL. All I can say now is, I wish some people would just grow up and start thinking for others. Yeah, I really hope so.

Sneezing like nobody's business

The girl with brown is really like me. We look somehow alike and yeah, we're sneezing like nobody's business. Woke up in the morning and talked to my dad for awhile and I continuously for 10 times. I counted. And if I was wrong, my dad was there so yeah, it was around 10 times. Or at least 8 or 9. Never mind. NOT IMPORTANT. Had a rough night too. DON'T THINK DIRTY. Just had a rough night. So yeah, now I'm getting ready to study my Science. See, for once I'm good. (: Hahaha. Okay! Hope I'll be okay enough to go to school tomorrow. And if my nose is red like an apple when you see me, just remember this picture. (: Byeee!

Something good will happen. It will.

And this message is to whoever who needs it.

Back again but not much to say. Don't know what to say actually. Lots of things have happened recently, things that no one of our age can control. This somehow shows that even now, things can get really unfair when they shouldn't. *Sighs* I hope whoevers going through the same now is getting better. Like the picture above, seriously, something good will happen. Believe me, with people who care by your side, this is not impossible. We'll be there to give you the biggest hug you ever need, to give you best advices we have and we'll stand by you no matter what happens, that's why we're friends. Cause' we care for you. Everyone does, so no matter what, everything's gonna be fine. The more you smile, the more it's gonna make dawn a little bit longer than yesterday. And us, we'll make effort to make yours longer too. (:

Anyways, a little sick and need to go bath. Tagg me okay? (: Byeeeee!

Sick and Unstable

Okay, backk with more sneeze. Get it? HAHA. Never mind. No funny. :P

So yeah, didn't go to school today, heard from Kurt that it was a fun day. HAHA. Aw~ I missed it! DAMN!! Never mind. Hope tomorrow's better. (:

And yeah, went to see the doctor today, one of the doctor's names were called Megha. MEG. HAHAHA. But too bad that doctor wasn't seeing me today. :( Anyways, went home and somehow felt unstable. Like something bad was going on but I don't know what. Everything in my head is like turning all around, everyone's appearing up one by one. Seriously, it's just creepy. I took my medicine but I couldn't sleep. Was thinking about some school stuff and some other problems. Woke up every 20 mins for the 3-hour period. Oh god. So tiring. It's like you have something going on inside your mind, you can't stop it or do anything to it. Never realise that things around me can make me so hooked up even when I'm sick. Asked my dad for advice and all he said was I over-work. Seriously? I don't even study and I over-work? How amusing. But yeah, I think it's thinking too much. But what to do? I can't even control my thoughts nowadays. Only depending on friends and people around me to make me laugh and smile more. And amazingly, they're doing a great job. :)

Now I'm just feeling a little weak, but still need to study for Science test tomorrow. Hope the test's gonna be easy enough for me to pass. :) So yeah, I'm gonna go study now. Goodnight. :D

How fragile is yours?

Another emo post? I don't know. Just suddenly got reminded to talk about this.

So yeah, how fragile is yours? How delicate is your heart? Is it still fragile? Or is your already lifeless and has no feeling at all? I don't know about me, but I know someone that is living under this sort of pain.

Can't say it's jealousy, can't say it's envy, maybe, you can only say it as missing and remembering him. Looking at how happy other couples are, somehow tend to feel a little sour-but-painful kind of feeling inside. What to do? You can't bite them or kill them, neither are you able to join them. THAT WILL BE WRONG. But still, maybe try to give your heart to someone else that actually deserves it. On the other hand, some people chose to stay behind. They chose to love that person until the love is gone, or even, forever. Maybe it's true? Or maybe it's going to be a habit already? No one knows, except for one who's going through this treatment.

Also it's obvious, this person I know is not the only one that is going through this, lots of people are, both guys and girls. Usually, girls are the one. Biased right? Can't help it. Cause' it's a fact that girls waste more tissues than guys every single day, hour, minute, second, not in a way that they're sick, they're crying. I'm not special enough to not get included either. But still, like any other girl would say, " He'll never know, cause' he never cared. ". So yeah, one thing I learnt from this, " Fall in love, be in love, happily have a realtionship, anything is fine, as long as you're happy and not crying for the other party, cause' no one deserves your tears.". I'm trying to knock this into my head too. Kinda painful and hard too. And I'm not knocking it into my head in the literate way. But yeah, you should know what I mean.

Anyways, now I'm sneexing like fucking shit. Can't stand it. Having headache also. Hope I'm gonna be okay to go to school. So yeah, hope for the best. :)

VAGINA WAFFLES! :)

I'm backkk people~! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Firstly, the reason why this post has a title " VAGINA WAFFLES " is because of KURTRINA. She screamed on the phone said that SHE LOVES VALLINA WAFFLES. But I heard VAGINA WAFFLES. So yeah, let's hope that vagina hasn't had it's period yet. HEHEHEHEHEHE.
Anyways, had a " task " to do. Something to do with ADAM KHOO'S LEARNING JOURNEY. OMG. When my two friends explain to me what happen, I was like okay? But I didn't know that I was gonna be "forced" to do the same thing. So I had to write 2 questions and answer it. Then I had to write down my O'level subject with my L1R5 and L1R4 scores. Lastly, write where you're gonna go after the O'levels and what you want to be. OMG. Then the worse part comes, you must look at the paper for at least half an hur b holding it straight in front of your face and not move for yeah, half an hour. I did it for 20 mins and I cried. One reason is that, my arms were breaking, next is, when you think that you MUST get this kind of results, all you can think about is that you're gonna die. Cause' seriously, this is just the starting of your " hardship in life". Can you imagine what you're gonna face LITERALLY? Oh god. I was shivering and scanning through the subjects scores thinking, " SCREWYOSCREWYOUSCREWYOUSCREWYOUSCREWYOU...etc." Can't take it. But I've made it through, and I'm glad I did. HAHAHA. Or I can't go to school tomorrow. LOL. Anyways, I have another " task " to do. So ya, I'll go do it now. Byee!

Finaly, A ACTUAL UPDATE AFTER A LONG TIME :)

HELLO!!!!! It's been a REALLY LONG TIME since I last posted. Too tired to even go visit it in the first place. Just by looking at it, I'm already very down. HAHA. Can see the reason why? SO FUCKING DEAD. Haha. But thanks to all who tagged when I'm dead. I mean, when I was " currently dead ". HAHA. So ya, everything is still the same. KURT IS STILL ANNOYING ME ON THE PHONE. Sam is still a cute little hamster. : ) Joey still likes to be cute and funny and Ashh is still a gorilla. A VERY CHIO ONE! :) HEHEHEHEHEHE. And nothing much about the other guys. OH! And I got a pair of skinnies from Abraham! Hahaha! I love him ttm ! So caring and sweet! Best brother darling ever! Hehehehe! But he's currently pissed and sad so hope he cheers up soon. :)
* A few minutes later *
OMG. Kurt is still annoying me on the phone! And I'm writing this cause' I have nothing to say. LOL. Kurt, this is for you.
GO~ A~WAY~ SERIOUSLY~ YOU'RE SCARING ME! LOL. Hahahahahaha! You should know how it actually sound like. :) Anyways, I need to sleep already. So freakin tired. So ya, I'm gonna go to sleep and try to stop Kurt from talking about porn. : )

Goodnights!

UPDATE AFTER A LONG TIME

Haha!
Today was so fun lahh..
In school with Sam and Kurt..
To Kurt:
You cum cum cum one more time I kill you I tell you.
HAHA!
Just Kidding!
BUT SEIRIOUSLY
So anyway, Joey came over to my house and had such a long heart-to-heart talk.
At least let her know some other things about me.
Then we went to play basketball.
Played match with AMK Sec people.
Haha..
Quite fun lah..
But play half way then we train by ourselfs again.
Then come back my house play piano and guitar again...
Yay!
My "White Horse" actually sounds nice to someone.
Haha!
And play Fur Elise on my keyboard.
Thanks to Sam then I know this song :>
Then next we go AMK Hub to pierce her ears.
Then actually I want to cut my fringe one,
then I scared that my hair curl out,
so my rebond will be wasted.
So either is 2moro when my mom's at home and I can ask her,
Or I find another day then I go and cut.
Scared later cut until I look like just put the bowl on my head then cut. :<
But anyway,
today was really fun,
credits to Joey!
Kurt and Sam is must credit everyday one!
HAHA!
So yah..
I think I'll stop here.
Want to go watch Simpsons le..
^_^
Hope to update soon! :>!

COMPLAIN TIME!! AHAHAHAHA!!!!

Yay! Since there's nothing else I can talk about, I'LL COMPLAIN.

But I'll say what happened today first. Went out with Sam, Kurt, Yi Wei, Seng Yeow and KaeWen. Watched " The Spy Next Door " and had little tiny bits of tears in my eyes at the end. Still, overall, it was HILARIOUS~! Haha! Jackie Chan rulez!

Anyway, just came back from my lessons and wanted to talk to Eunice about where and what time to meet tomorrow for HER shopping trip. Mine's already over and I had a HELL OF A GREAT TIME THANKS TO MY DARLING BFFFL. Haha.. Anyway, it's my turn to help my friend so, wish me luck!

So er... Yah.. Was talking about the plans when suddenly someone screams from the living room saying " Who is using the darn phone???!!! "
Then I shouted " It's me lahhhhhhhh!!!!! "
Then I hear little noises of SOMEONE complaining say what " Tell her to put down the phone larrrrhhhh... My internet is soooooooo laggggyyyyyyy...."
Then here comes my dad saying " Hey, can talk later? The internet outside is lagging."

Okay, that person who shouted was not my dad, so yah.. It was a talking douche bag. I mean seriously, just now around 6 when I was about to go for my lessons, my mom asked that douche bag whether he wanted to eat dinner and knowing that I was the one buying, he gave attitude. " DON'T WANT....~ IIIII DOOONNN'TTTT WAAANNNTTT TTTOOO EEEAAATTT.....~~~~" WHAT FUCKING CRAP IS THIS? Need to buy for a useless fuck son like you is already over my limits okay? You're just a waste of space and time. I mean seriously? I am your LITTLE SISTER FOR GOD'S SAKE. I am the one who used to cook for you while you just sit there with that boring orgasm waiting to be fed. Even after eating, not only you never do the dishes and still like to tell mom or dad that the rice is tooooooooooooo hard or the food is this and that. The rice I cook is too hard? Fuck. You look at how hard the rice cooked is and please use your brain and compare which one taste normal and which one breaks your teeth. I mean please, for crying out loud, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? KING IS IT? SORRY, WE'RE NOT IN 15 CENTURY FRANCE OKAY?!?! I've heard that what, you have a problem with me. WTF. Look at how you talk to people. Mom is your maid is it? And at first I thought I was the one at fault for making you angry with me for so many years but now I realised, this is all too childish. Say what, I used to get all the attention, yah right. While you are crying over you yourself not getting enough attention, I'm afraid at every night that somehow my grandparents will start fight with chairs and stuff again. I was laughed at for my talent and my hobby, and that's where I lost so much of my confidence. What about you? You've got what ever fuck that is you need and you want, and just because of one small internet connection lagging, you HAVE to end my call. Not the first time already okay? I'm sick and tired of being blamed for everything. When you don't wash your fucking dishes, mom comes to me and says " *Sighs* You people don't wash then we need to wash and I'm like so tired already. So irritating you know, so tired. SIAN ARHHHH... *Blah blah blah blah blah* " Yah.. You being lazy equals to me getting frustration treatment. I'm seriously, PISSED. One fucking word, PISSED.
I am freaking pissed and irritated by you. I'm tired of everything, including you. You are the only family member that I'm ever that pissed with. I HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.

Friends : Seriously? They are?

Okay, I'm not doubting about my friends being there for me or not but really, I don't expect them to much.

So let's cut to the chase, one question to anyone who's reading this, what is a friend to you? You can tag on the cBox to tell me your opinions. For me, I'll just observe and think, then I'll see who to mix with. I mean now, I used to be free and didn't think much about who is to be careful of, so I kinda mixed with the people that I'm not suitable for, but I AM suitable now, and I regreted it.

Besides those stuff, sometimes I wonder to myself, who ARE my REAL friends? Who are the ones that will be there for me when I need them? And who are the others that just treat me like crap or just care more about their problems instead of giving a damn about mine. It's okay if you make mistakes like mixing with the wrong people and somehow getting betrayed or anything, but the thing is, don't just throw that away. Lose what you have to lose and take what you have to take. So lose that selfish ass and learn from there that you have to be more careful of who to mix with. When there are different kinds of people, there are different kinds of friends, but remember too, you not only need to seek others, but yourself too. I mean what if others think you're the bad guy? So also must be careful of your own actions too yeah?

Now, NAMING TIME!

People who I think are friends that I can count on. Though they might not see this but I just wanna share this.

First. MICHELLE!

I don't think I'm allowed to put a picture of her on the web so, I'll just talk more about her. When I had trouble on Christmas Eve, I called anyone I can call for help, Raymond, Dicky and some other guy that I don't wanna mention. And other girls too, but she was the only one that picked up and didn't scold me and actually told me to cool down and comfort me, somehow. I was sick that night too, and she spent the whole night talking to me on the phone, and start to let me reflect on my mistake. She did alot of other stuff like helping me with my homework and going out with me. I seriously, don't know what I can do without her. She is DEFINATELY someone I can count on. Love her! (Friend way. :)

Secondly, Sammy Ng!

If this picture is too ugly for you, I'M SORRY SAMMY!!! But really, another girl that actually cares about whether I take my meals. Haha! She is such a sweetheart. Though we don't hang out much anymore but of course, how can I forget the times when we had so much laughter and when I'm crying over some other guy and you're also there to talk to me about not wasting your tears for someone that doesn't care for you. I'll always remember that, thanks for everything too my darling. You have made me a stronger person in some way too.. ^_^ Hope I did the same for you too. I don't want to keep receiving and not giving :X... Anyway, love you darling ^^

Next, is SAMANTHA THEN AND KURTRINA FOO!

I only have Sam's picture so yahh... Sorry Kurtrina! We'll take a picture next time and I'll post it okay? They are my so-called "Happy Fruit". It's like being around them you'll never have those emo-emo atmosphere. Cause' once they start to laugh then you can't help it but laugh with them, not AT THEM. Sometimes maybe but for the time being it's just with... Haha... I was close with EACH of them last year when some things occur and I split with both of them. Now I'm lucky to have both of them by my side. Thanks you guys, you're like another clan of my primary school friends only that both of you can already make noise loud enough to cover my primary clan of 4-5 people. Haha. I hope that we'll face secondary school life together happily and yah... I'm grateful I don't know why :X

Last of all girls, EUNICE TEO YEEEEEE KIIIII

You little crazy little thing you. Haha. She is one hell of a funny friend. Everytime see me start to "Eugene~~~~~~" Or the other name, or "Luo Zhi Xiang~~~~~". Haha. She is not only funny, crazy and trustworthy, but she is a great friend to me. We've known each other for at least 4-5 years now and we've been through some tough fights too. Well, fate brought us together as friends again, and we've learn to not test it anymore. She is also another girl I can't live without. She is alot of things. Too many big words! Haha. Anyways, just want to let you know that you'll always be my bestfriend and my "gal-pal!" Haha. Love' ya! (Friend way. Eunice, I know what'cha thinking you little pervert :)

Lastly, the ONLY GUY ON MY LIST. ABRAHAM!!

You are the only guy bestfriend I have. And not only that you're the only one that managed to boast up my self-confidence so fast, you are one of the most important people in my life. I mean like, your one of the most important friend I'll ever have. You are funny, fun to be with and you're a guy that I can ACTUALLY trust. The rest are either like Zavier or like Kelvin. Haha. Or like my other primary school classmates which are not that close to anymore. I'm actually quite suprised that a guy can be so sweet and adorable. Haha. Anyways, don't worry, you'll never be erased off my list of friends. Cause' you're the one and only important guy friend I have. :)

Well, these are my good friends. They've lead me through my good and bad times in my life. These are those who can make me smile and dry off my tears when something's making me frown. For me, I'm very sure that these are the people that are considered as my close friends. There are, of course, some others but we don't really contact anymore and this post is getting really long. So yah... I'll end here.. Hope they'll see this... Will they?? :)

SAY HEEEEYYYY!!!!

Random title. Don't wanna put emo titles.. Haha
So anyway, went out with friends today, fun fun fun.
Now kinda tired. Went out to eat with me MUMMY!
For once I'm happy to say that. Haha!
Just a short post.
Maybe will post about some other topic tomorrow.
Not really in the mood to type so much.
So yahhh...
I wanna go shower and try to finish up homework.
Bye! See ya tomorrow!! (I hope...)

Dionis {~!~}

GOODBYE FUCKING 2009!!!! HEEELLLLLOOOO 2010!!!!!!!!!

FINALLY 2009 IS OVER. IT SUCKED LIKE PLATYPUS SHIT.
OMG. I can't believe it's 2010. Like it's a new decade and 13 years just go by like that. It seems just like yesterday I was all bloody and tiny but long coming out from my mother's puss. Then now I'm getting ready for streaming in Sec 2. Life is just so short. Anyway, I hope that everyone had a great time counting down to 2010. Let's wait for 2012. If the world's really ending, I rather freeze to death. Seriously. Haha. So yah.. I need to get back to work. Short post ^^ Bye!

Dionis {~!~}